My thoughts on Green Coffee Trader's Jamaican Blue beans, which I've had before - and the fact that Amazon sent me Kona beans instead. This was not the seller's fault, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the Jamaican Blue that I sent to the seller:
I swear I never intended to become a coffee snob; I only wanted to attain the level of "Coffee Arrogance", with a mastery in coffee brewing and a secondary mastery in Mercantile Trading. I specialize in the exchange of coffee beans (for my personal use and enjoyment) in exchange for mutually acceptable currency.
My first experience with the Jamaican Blue coffee beans instilled within me a palette for coffee with a permanent buff triggered by the elixir of the Jamaican Blue coffee bean. Consumption of the elixir of the Jamaican Blue bean provides me with +5 RELAXATION and +5 CONSTITUTION buffs. Offering the Elixir of the Jamaican Blue beans to others also provides a + 5 CHARISMA boost.
Wizards, Witches, and Muggles alike aspire to attain the Jamaican coffee bean, the highest quality of which are obtained from a small region of the Blue Mountains on the eastern side of the island and grow at an elevation of 2,000 to 5,500 feet above sea level. Travelers and traders beware! The only merchant to be trusted to deliver the finest, authentic coffee beans is Green Coffee Traders. Their trade routes are swift and secure. One only need to be wary of the final handoff, from the shipper who must offer it to the Monolithic Monster of the Amazon who cares nothing of my satisfaction with the end product. The Monolithic Monster of the Amazon thrives on quantity, not quality. When this conglomeration of a corporate monster rears its ugly head and does not deliver as it should, one can only cower and run away - hoping to deliver a message to the forthright merchant whose initial shipment was offered to the monster. Unfortunately, the Amazonian monster lost its shipment within the mazes of the Forest of Fulfillment.
My complaint is not with thee, kind merchant and seller. My feud lie with the horrid Amazonian monster, spawn of the two demons “Ordering” and “Shipping”. It is this evil offspring which has curtailed the successful completion of my order and your mission.
Kind merchant, please consider trading the lovely story above for a quantity of The Magic Blessed Blue Beans of Jamaica. The beans are considered magical by those possessing the ability to appreciate their scent, their beauty, and the wondrous elixir which yields from its beans.
[p.s. To readers: I'm getting my Jamaican Blue beans. YAY!]
Warm Regards,
Keith, Bearer of The Blessed Mug of Coffee Arrogance
100% Jamaican Coffee Beans
